Hi Reader

Welcome back to 1UP,
my weekly newsletter where I share all things health and mindsets to help you get stronger, feel younger and live longer.

Who are you?

When I left France in 2012 for a post-doc in Edmonton, I discovered something about identity that opened up a world of possibilities for me:

I wasn't who I thought I was.

The person I thought I was, had more to do with what others said about me or saw in me, than who I could be.

And I took on this identity. Not knowing that I was limiting myself.

Until I moved to a new country, started speaking and thinking in a new language.

I suddenly found myself doing things I didn't know I could.

The label trap

As I'm writing this, I am reflecting on the times that I have told my daughter Marygold: "You're smart" or "You're funny".

Even labels that we find positive can trap our kids in a given identity.

Then identity shapes behavior and we act smart or funny because people expect us to, or we expect it from ourselves.

Operating from this framework is extremely limiting.

I don't want my daughter to be stuck in a version of herself that would keep her from finding new qualities and potential.

When we think of ourselves as Reader, the person who is ____, or the person who does ____, it keeps us stuck in this version of ourselves, in this behavior stack.

This is one of the reasons why I want people to be careful with sayings like "I have a sugar addiction" or "My child has ADHD".

When we call ourselves addict, don't we bound ourselves too?
It's easier to fix an unhealthy relationship, or get out of a phase, than to break an addiction.

And even though people with ADHD can regain in quality of life once they are diagnosed and find the tools specific to their brain wiring, there's a lot more about them than the fact that they have ADHD.

For me this is so clear when I look at Elle, my 1-year old daughter, who has Down syndrome. It's easy to see that she has Down syndrome.
But when I look at her I see so much more. I see resilience, strength, sense of humor, joy, potential, all the things I don't know about her yet.

Identity is plastic

How many people do we know use this trick to avoid making changes that they know they should? (is it only me, or older parents love this trick?)

"Well, that's just the way I am"
"I can't change who I am"

X Wrong

Anybody can change who they are.

All you need is a piece of paper and be willing to use your imagination.

Dr. Benjamin Hardy has been making this principle of psychology a cornerstone of his "Future self" course.

I took it in January and it has spring boarded my year. I highly recommend you check it out. It's completely free and is a gem of a tool.

Here is what he says about this concept of identity in an interview:

"When you hold on to a label, then that becomes the basis for how you decide the future.
It’s a lot better to think about and be honest about,
“Who would you like to be or what would you like to have if you were totally honest?” "

The idea is to let this future version of ourselves make decisions in the present.

We don't have to stay stuck in a version of ourselves that we have constructed in our mind, pieced together from what others perceive.

We can create who we are.

Who will you be?

When I used this tool and journaled about who I want to be, I visualized that woman : A fun spouse who supports her husband and is kind to him. A fun, active and loving mother, involved with her children. A strong, athletic, confident, generous, magnetic woman. I pictured myself at fundraisers in elegant clothes, hair done, and put together.

When I wrote this, I was out of shape, feeling weak, and unsure I could raise money. I wasn't putting any time or effort in how I looked. Well, to be fair, my 5-month old baby was in an intensive care unit. So my hair was not my top priority.
This was in January of 2024.

From there, I started to act as this woman.
What are her habits, her behaviors?
What are the things she doesn't do? What are the things she wouldn't even go near?
What is her posture? How does she show up in the world?
How does she interact with others?
What are her relationships like?
How does she spend her time?

I answered these questions and started acting like her. And I became her.

I took on strength training, invested in my skin care routine.

For my daughter's birthday I organized a fundraiser for the children's hospital and exceeded my goal of $2000.

I started homeschooling my preschooler. We've done a ton of things together this year, from swimming to museums and activities at home.

Now it is October. You can see on the picture above of my transformation.

In 2024, more than any other year, I let my future-self take the reigns.

And I am so glad that it wasn't my labels, my past-self, or my beliefs about who I am in the driver seat.

Because my life and the life of those around me is so much better for it.

Speaking of who you are and who you will be, would you let me know more about you Reader?

I see your name and email address when you join the community. And I am so grateful that you're here. But I want to know who is behind the name.

I am not into an email list. I'm on TEAM HUMAN. I am curious about you as a person.

So, as a start, if you can help me with answering this question here, so I can picture where you might be in your pursuit of longevity, that would be lovely.

What season of life are you in?

And if you have a bit more time, I would love love love reading about who you are now, and more importantly, who you want to be Reader.

So please hit reply and share.

It's great to know you better.
Not who you think you are, but who you truly want to be.

With love,
Jihane