Hello Reader

I was a liar for most of my life and I did not even consider it a problem.

Mostly small lies : you know, "inconsequential" lies to justify why I was a few minutes late or to decline invitations.

But also secrets sometimes: saying I had a cold, when in fact having a debilitating hangover, hiding mistakes at work.

Now, 8 years into being the most truthful I can be, I see how this habit kept me in the darkness I was in at the time.

Today, I am proud to be able to tell my daughter "Mommy never lies".

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Most people lie: the average adult tells 0.59 to 1.56 lies per day.

A study published in 2002 found that 60% of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.

It often starts when we're children, especially when we fear our parent's reaction to the truth.

That's a myth liars cling on to:
the idea that they know how their spouse will react,
that the truth is too hard for someone to hear,
that people will reject them if they don't lie.

We lie to protect ourselves and others. Or so we tell ourselves. The father of all lies.

Because here's the truth about telling the truth:
- We don't actually know how our spouse might react,
- No matter how hard the truth is to hear, it's far worse to remain unaware,
- It is more likely to bring people closer by being vulnerable.

The decision to never lie again was the first of many commitments that have changed my life and my character for the better.

More peace, more freedom, more life.

It came first: before I quit drinking, I quit smoking. Before I practiced mindfulness, before I changed my diet.

I remember the day, in 2016, at the top of the stairs in the basement suite of my boyfriend turned life-partner, when I felt in my spirit that I needed to make this oath to myself: I will never lie again.

Since then, I have lived a life without fear: a life with nothing to hide.

Today, I want to share with you about the link between truth-telling, our health and longevity.

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Telling the truth is associated with psychological well being

Dr. Anna Lembke, a Stanford psychiatrist expert in addiction recovery, when talking about "The power of radical honesty" says:

"Telling the truth

• promotes awareness of our actions : recounting our experiences gives us mastery over them
• fosters intimate human connection : telling the truth draws people in
• leads to a truthtful autobiography : autobiographical narratives are a measure of lived times, truthful narrative creates accountability

Seeking and finding the truth - or the closest approximation possible - affords us the opportunity for real insight and understanding, which in turn, allows us to make informed decisions."

She also mentions that, after having worked with patients for more than 20 years, she has become convinced that

"the way we tell our stories is a marker and predictor of mental health: patients who tell stories in which they are frequently the victim, seldom bearing responsibility for bad outcomes, are often unwell and remain unwell.

By contrast, when patients start telling stories that accurately portray their responsibility, I know they're getting better."

Not to mention the cognitive burden of lying. Telling lies is costly for our brain and requires a lot of cognitive resources (source).

The more elaborate the lies, the more it takes to keep them straight.

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Lying damages our physical health

A 2015 review on the "The Physiology of (Dis)Honesty" found that:

Dishonesty is associated cortisol reactivity, aka chronic stress.

Dishonesty increases arousal, blood pressure, and heart rate. This added stress to our cardiovascular system can lead to disease overtime.

Innocent observers of dishonesty may experience similar physiological effects. Which means our loved ones are unwell when we lie.

These physiological effects can have negative health outcomes.

This research paper concludes that lying, being selfish, cheating, and engaging in infidelity is damaging to our body.

In 2014, another study divided 72 adults into 2 groups : one "sincerity group" instructed to tell the truth for 5 weeks, and a control group that received no instructions. People in the sincerity group reported fewer headaches, sore throat and nausea.

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How honesty and integrity help us live longer

You probably know by now that my #1 pillar of a longer and richer life is our relationships.

This is by far our most important longevity asset.
Being honest with our people creates better relationships: trust, vulnerability and closeness depend on it.

In 2021, some researchers examined the link between telling the truth and health and daily functioning in over 9000 adults.

They found that over 4 years, those who scored higher for honesty and integrity had :
- 18% lower risk of lung disease
- 11% lower risk of depression
- reported lower limitations in mobility
- less difficulty in instrumental activities of daily living.

This was independent of socioeconomic status, health conditions and health behaviors.

Lying has also been found to be associated with poor memory.

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As we saw above, lying adds unnecessary stress, has a damaging effect on our physiology, hurts our relationships and prevents us from owning our life.

I have not found a study directly linking truth-telling and a longer life, but by proxy, I think we can say that living truthfully leads to living longer.

In my personal experience, deciding to never lie again has come with a sense of freedom, greater physical health and a feeling of confidence in my character.

In times when I was involved in professional situations, that had an element of deception, manipulation and lies, my physical health was compromised. I lost so much weight people thought I had an eating disorder, and it led me to the burnout that costed me everything.

Because of this experience, I have become convinced that lying erodes our soul.
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Through my experiences, I have discovered that Truth is one of my core values.
I may be wrong of course, but I will never lie.

So, what do you say Reader? Are you ready to give this a try?

Here are the instructions given to the sincerity group, if you want to experiment:
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"Throughout every day of the next 5 weeks, you must speak honestly, truthfully, and sincerely—not only about the big things, but also about the small things, such as why you were late. You must always mean what you say in situations where your statements are to be taken seriously, as opposed to when joking or obviously exaggerating. While you certainly can choose not to answer questions, you must always mean what you say.”

Let me know what you observe!
In truth,

Jihane

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PS: I need your help! I am gathering data to find what could be the most helpful for you in your desire for a longer healthier life, as someone who reads my emails. Would you please take a minute to answer this poll? THANK YOU

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